I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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