All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
