The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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