I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize