When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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