at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
