Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
