im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
There r osticjed everywhere
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
