I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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