so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
