I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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