the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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