I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
