Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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