This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
im holly from the hills drunk
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
