So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
