Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
