i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
