Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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