life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Randomize
