I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
