Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She bit a glass in half.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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