dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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