You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
