OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
