i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize