After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
