4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
