I skipped work to stalk him.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
