just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
