This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
