sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize