she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
