i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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