I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
