Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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