maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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