I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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