Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
