I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
it's like iHOP with fire
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
