he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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