If i come over, it means nothing
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
