I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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