And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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