I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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