Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
