We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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