I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My vagina is officially offended.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
