i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
