The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
