I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
