so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
