I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
