hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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