Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Fuck appropriateness.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Randomize
