batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
When did angry sex become our thing?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
