Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
