I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize