Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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