Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
