i wish my penis had a tongue
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
