he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
