I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
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