I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My vagina just recognized that song.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Randomize
