Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
