guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
These tits shall not be calmed
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
