Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
