The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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