You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
