Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize