if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
