How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I look better un-naked...
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
