So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
