just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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