I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
