I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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