Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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