I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
