first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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