i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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