I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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